It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
