Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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