i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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