She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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