You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
