Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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