I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
