He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
