A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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