hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
