The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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