Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
