I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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