Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
