i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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