Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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