So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
