I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
