I forgot how hot balto sounded
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
