Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize