his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
