I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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