After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
