I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
