Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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