I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
