Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
