My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
