I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We're too hungover to prance.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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