Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
