Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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