so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
