I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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