6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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