I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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