so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
