i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
