just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize