im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
