dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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