Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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