The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
