Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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