Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize