First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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