Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
