I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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