Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
