I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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