p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
