She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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