Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
