why didn't you poke me back
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
