We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
