I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
