smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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