I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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