Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
