If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
