honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
