Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
