You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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