this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
