Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
