You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
