I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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