She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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