Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
