The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
