Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
