I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've blown a few things in my day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
