i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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