Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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