I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You pole danced in your parka.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
