What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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