Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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