Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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