I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
