I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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