man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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