the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
