I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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