I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
